My whole life I’ve felt confused, what to become, what to be, who to be and where to go? I know huge silly questions, because you can’t really control that much.. Or that’s the conclusion I’ve reached, every time I’m close to achieving something stuff comes in the way or my mind chickens out and dismiss those huge opportunities.. When I was a kid my two biggest dreams were becoming an actress or to study political science and work for the european union.. I can’t blame the fact that I missed these two opportunities on any else than myself.. The acting stuff I’ve never really had the guts to pursue, I have had an application for Odense Theater School lying in my drawer in like forever, I can’t get myself to send it I’m to afraid of what might happen. I can either blew it wich is always scary or actually succeed wich is even more scary. I know that one day I’ll look back and regret missing this chance, but until I can overcome my fears there’s not really much I can do. Political Science on the other hand, I have pursued this dream, but my mind wasn’t sane enough to survive this, and I regret having to drop out at least once a week. Perhaps it’s just me who have (had) some insane dreams or maybe it’s just not ment to be. No matter wich one it is, I need to get myself some new goals and dreams, but it’s hard coming up with new one, when you’ve had the same since you were 7 years old. Now I only have small stuff I want to achieve, not because they are my dreams but because I need to win these small challenges to get my education. The latest one, is a four-month study trip to Helsinki, I’m very excited but of course scared to, I can barely exist in my familiar surroundings so how on earth am I going to survive in another country? But I’m not gonna stand this amazing opportunity up, my ego just wouldn’t be able to manage that 😉 And hopefully there’s hot guys in Helsinki.. But well at the time I’m spending time at a study I don’t really care that much for, but I’m good at it so maybe it should be my dream.. Because it’s so much easier if your dream is something you’re already good at.. But enough about this depressing shit and on to some more depressing stuff.. MUHAHAHAHA
No just kidding, you can always go on and on and on about stuff that makes you sad, that’s the easiest thing in the world. Instead I’ll try changing focus, as a great Danish stand-up comedian said: If you have two walls the one is white and the other one is black, it might be easiest to focus on the black one, but you should focus on the white one.. He actually has a show in two parts, in the first one he’s positive and in the other one he talks about many of the same subjects but with a negative angle. It’s brilliant.. So now I will be positive, I am healthy, have a great apartment, some amazing friends, are great family and my lovely horse Lise, who my mental health is extremely connected to.. Technically I have nothing to complain about, but if you look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, my physiological, safety and belonging needs are fulfilled, unfortunately for me that isn’t enough I need the esteem and self-actualization to be happy. It might take me years to achieve this, but I really hope that I someday will succeed.
This must be it for now, god I love this blog thing, even though nobody reads it, it’s very therapeutic to put words on your frustration and fears.. Brilliant.. Now all I need is a Twitter account.. MUHAHAHA