I’m a horrible person. I now that one of my friends out there will bust my chops for saying that, but I am. I have been on several horrible dates.. Horrible.. I have dated some stupid guys.. And then the sweet ones, I always find faults.. Not high enough, bad past, not handsome enough or we don’t share the same interests. Okay, perhaps the last one is valid, but the others are silly. Well, these thoughts of course comes from a place, a couple of days ago I spent the night with a very sweet guy, and he’s ask me out on a date tomorrow, and I am freaking out. He’s practically perfect, in every way, sweet, fun, silly, interesting, has a great ass, the only thing wrong is his face, it’s not that he is ugly, he just isn’t you know well he’s no James Marsden. He got droopy eyes. And now I feel terrible because I actually want to cancel a date with this guy, just because of droopy eyes.. The sex was great, and he’s my age. droopy eyes!!! I’m so silly.. And even though I write this, hoping for some clarity, I’m still going to cancel the date. He’s great, awesome.. SO WHY DOESN’T HE LOOK LIKE JON BON JOVI!!!!!! AAARRRRHHHH
This above was written yesterday, I decided to cancel the date, of course I was also very behind on my school but it’s a bad excuse, I could easily have squeezed him in (get it?) Buhja…
Another story I have an old bloke who’s started writing me again, two years ago we used to be fuck buddies.. We had a funny relationship, we actually never talked, when one of us got horny we just send a text message with the word: Sex?, then we would have sex and then nothing.. We never really talked, I didn’t know anything about this guy, just that he was a great fuck.. 😉 This went on for about two months, until he found a girlfriend. Then last summer we had sex again, this was not so good because I was dating this other guy, but what can I say this bloke has a weird sexual power over me. The last six months he and his girlfriend has been hanging out with me and one of my good friends, we had a great time, and for the first time I actually had a conversation with the guy.. So now he and his girlfriend has broken up, and well I’m tempted by his offer, but here’s my problem about sex: First of all when I don’t get any I crave it, and miss it like crazy, but when I do get it, I rarely enjoy it it’s just some silly way to get intimacy. So now I really want to call this guy, but one question keeps popping up in my head: Why the fuck should I? I have decided not to write the guy, because I don’t need the trouble men always brings into your life, and at the moment I really don’t think it’s worth it.
I know that I go back and forth a lot about my relationships with the other sex, but that’s because I simply keep changing my mind.. Whenever I don’t have a guys attention, that’s all I grave, and when I get attention, I just want to be without… Messy? Yeah I think so… I hope that one day I’ll outgrow my intimacy issues, but for now I think I will enjoy being single, having fun and behave like a silly teenager.. One of my closest friends told me too accept who I am, and I actually think I’m on my way. To quote Barney Stinson: I’ve learned something very important today… I am awesome! MUHAHAHAHA