So here we go again, another pity-me-post, I apologize in advance and now you have the chance to not read this post 😉
As you’ve probably already know I’ve never had a well-functioning relationship, I’ve been with guys I cared about but never more than that. Some I have realised after I broke up with them, that I should have given it a real shot, but I never did.
I’ve always loved Shakespeare’s tragedies, books like Wuthering Heights and tragic movies with no happy endings. I love the pain, two people can feel by not being together. That’s why I’ve often have felt for guys that I knew where unavailable and I would never do anything about my feelings because I in some weird way enjoyed the pain I felt. But it wasn’t a pain from not being with you loved one, it was just the pain of longing for someone you knew you’d never have a future with.
For my entire life I’ve been thriving on this particular feeling, dreaming about being with one guy, while having one night stands with others. This may all sound very slutty, and well it might have been. But I think that I needed to be with those guys, for me being able to be where I am today. In love.
I remember the moment I knew that I was in love, we were sitting on his couch, he just held me and I felt so safe and for a second I didn’t have a care in the world. Of course until I started freaking out a little bit about the fact that I had allowed myself to fall for this guy, and how much I had to lose all of a sudden. Scary scary.
I had several moments before where I might have been in love, for example while we were walking in Svanninge Bakker, holding hands and just walking.. And when we were just sitting playing backgammon for hours drinking coffee and youtube’ing.. God this all sounds so horribly cheesy, and the worst part is I’m loving it 😉
I haven’t told him yet how I fee,l because I was leaving for Brussels the day after I realised it, and well I didn’t want to make the goodbye any harder than it already was. But now I just hope that I have the guts to tell him…
So the original meaning with this post was me being pathetic and well I have been 😉 But now I’ll move on to the real whining, I miss him.. Neeeeheeeee… It hurts my stomach, and the only thing I can think about is when I might be able to get home and visit him.. This kind of sucks when you’re in an amazing happening city like Brussel, but what’s a girl to do… Sigh..
Hopefully I’ll stop being this pathetic in a week or two, but right now I’m really screwed.. (and no not in that way;-) ) I’m glad that I miss him, and another thing is even though I’m surrounded by young hot south european guys, I’m not at all tempted. So not me, but again I guess that’s another good sign… 😉
So if you reached the bottom I’ll apologize once again, but you knew what you where getting into.. MUHAHAHAHAHA