As some of you know I’m currently studying in Brussels. It’s all very exciting and I simply love the city. It’s not beautiful or romantic like Rome or Paris, it’s just alive. It’s a multicultural city where anything can happen, or so it feels.
I’m in love with the city. It has everything I want from a city. Studying here sure has been the greatest experience of my life, and also a huge challenge.
In one of my courses down here called Sales and consumer interaction, we made these disc-profiles. The disc-profiles are a way to categorize people.
D is for the driver, that’s a person who’s just continuously moving forward, rarely caring or listening to others.
The I is the influencer, that’s a person who’s influencing everyone around him. Someone who thrives with other people, and who only can get inspiration through others.
The S stands for stabilizer, this is a person who enjoys status quo. Someone who doesn’t like changes and are very loyal to the people already in his life.
The C is the controller. Someone who likes to put everything into figures. Who likes to analyse and calculate numbers, and has no imagination.
These definitions are very extreme, and it’s very few people who only fits into one of these profiles. Where am I going with this? Well, I took the test and found out that I was a stabilizer, and nothing else. I was also a tini-tiny bit controller and influencer, but I’m 98 % stabilizer.
When my teacher saw my profile, he laughed and said: “How on earth did you end up here? How where you even able to leave Denmark?” And, I don’t know.
I rarely do anything extreme or challenging. Because I hate loosing my own challenges and I don’t like not knowing what’s gonna happen next. I have lived from day-to-day for a while back in 2008, where I worked different jobs, whoever would hire me. Every time I’ve dropped out of a study, I’ve also been lost and been without direction, but never for more than a month or two. But in 2008, I was without direction for over six month, and I only survived because I was chronically drunk, and under the surface a raging depression was fighting its way through my system.
I have always had my life figured out, things rarely succeeds, but every time a plan smashes to the ground, I create a new one in less than a month. And now I’m studying, so my “professional” life is planned for two more years. That I find comforting, even though I hate my field of study, I don’t have to worry about what to do tomorrow for two more years, and I like that.
Being a very stabilizing person I’m still not sure how I ended up here in Brussels. Maybe I just really needed to get away, or maybe it was because I just wanted to prove that I could survive on my own.
I have developed a lot down here and learned a lot about myself. For example, I’d always thought that I was a social person, it turns out I’m not. I only like spending time with the people I love, and that’s why the only people I’ve let in the past couple of years has been people I’ve gotten to know through other friends.
I like talking to strangers when I’m at a party, because I probably never see the person again. But down here, I see these people all the time now, but in three weeks I will never see them again. So I could have developed a shallow temporary friendship, but I don’t like doing that, so I’m alone.
Today I haven’t left my bed. Just for half an hour to find some food, because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten any. I have just lied here watching television series.
In a way it’s nice, because I have no obligations down here, other than studying for my exams. Nobody needs me down here, and that’s both relieving and frustrating.
It feels like no one would care if I disappeared of the earth, and that thought really scares me. I want people to need me, I need people to need me. It’s weird, I want to help people while I can barely help myself. The human mind works in mysterious ways, I guess.
Well, my boyfriend needs me. It’s really hard that my first real relationship starts out as a long distance. It’s very tough. Because it’s just hard to solve problems over text messaging or Skype. It’s just not the same as dealing with stuff face to face. So, I really look forward to getting home to him. I just hope that I don’t fuck this up.
I also can’t wait to get home to my girlfriends. They take more care of me, than I had actually realised. And I really miss that.
I also miss my family. Even though there’s always problems and fighting, I miss them. Yesterday I received a package from my mother, filled with gifts and candy. It was so sweet of her, that I practically cried. I miss letting her doing stuff for me. She helps me so much, sometimes without me realising it.
I’m a very lucky girl. Getting the opportunity to study down here and having people who love me at home. Can you ask for more? Now, I just can’t wait to get back to everyone…