Follow up on “Yet Again”

Thanks for the advice girls, I am always to hard on myself and puts an unnecessary pressure on myself. You’d think that I’d learn, but I still haven’t. This time I really wanted to make a change, I really wanted to take a real break and sit back, figuring out what I really want with my life. But not this time.

In Denmark we are very blessed and is paidΒ by the state to study. But we only have a limited amount of payments, and since I’ve been trying several different studies I don’t have that many payments left. I have enough to finish my current education, if I finish it on time. If I get set back on year I don’t have enough left. Then I would have to work a lot, while finishing a fulltime study. I really don’t wanna put that kind of pressure on myself.

I always knew that my previous educations and fuck-ups would come back and bite me in the ass. Now they have and I’m so mad at myself for wasting so many opportunities and time. You shouldn’t have to many regrets, but I truly regret wasting those payments back then, when they now could have saved my sorry ass. What a silly teenager I’ve been.

So, I’m continuing my study. It’s horrible and I feel incredible sorry for myself, I know that I really don’t have much reason to, but well this is my blog so I’m allowed to πŸ˜‰

I only have two months and four exams left of this semester, it isn’t much. I wont score good grades and I might fail, having to take the re-examination in August, but the reality is that I don’t have that much left. This fall I’m going on an internship, I’ve sent a million applications and still I’ve found none. This has been stressing me out big time, but I’ve pleaded my case and is now allowed if all else fails, to work alongside my sister. She’s very good at accounting and she could teach me a lot, so I’m almost hoping that I don’t get any other offers.

So, my life isn’t changing today after all. I’m continuing on and hopefully things will go okay. I’m sure it will. If there’s one thing I know it’s that I can survive almost anything, so why not this shit.

The bright future is fading

The future itself is disappearing

I looked at the world

But now the world is looking at me

I believed that I could fly

But came up short

I believed in myself

But came up short

I’m filled with doubts

I’m filled with disappointment

I’m filled with guilt

I’m filled with regrets

I need to put this aside

Give myself a break

I can do what I want if I want toΒ 

But, gotta rememberΒ 

I don’t have to.Β 

About theevilicequeen

Hi, I'm the only true IceQueen left in the world.. I have passed the exams, and now I'm in control of snow and ice all over the world... It's pretty fucking awesome....
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7 Responses to Follow up on “Yet Again”

  1. stenfalk says:

    no, he doesn’t really… being able to get yourself drunk quickly was fun once uppon a time… but at some point you have to walk away from that as well πŸ˜‰
    I’m sorry things are not looking up, but I have faith in you, you can make it through the last time… chin up love… let me know if there is anything I can do πŸ™‚ (other than going to class for you, I love you, but not that much πŸ˜› )

  2. Hehe.. Well, I’m still considering following his example tonight πŸ˜‰ Thanks honey, but I’m managing. I’m at school now, so I’m very proud of myself.. Of course I’m spending every second writing on my blog and ignoring the teacher, but I’m here πŸ˜‰

    • stenfalk says:

      haha well, nice, good thing you have a blog ha, so you wont have to pay atenttion πŸ˜‰
      and by the way, I did not think you used any foul language… If so, I missed it… But then again, I think we in Denmark are prone to using dirty words a lot more than the rest of the world πŸ˜‰ it’s pretty normal for us πŸ˜‰

  3. Dianne Cogar says:

    I hope you find your “comfort zone” and can go on with your life stress free soon. None of us are perfect, by no means, but You do know that the “image” you project of yourself here on the net (as in your attitude and your language conduct ) is how others will perceive you as a person, both professionally and intellectually. This reputation could stay with you for a very long time, and this could make or brake you in your career choice. Maybe I am old school, but having a “potty mouth” and a “negative attitude” in my opinion just leaves the assumption that you are not intelligent enough to carry on an expressive conversation without using trash talk. You look like a very well rounded lady, someone others would look up to . Sorry, but I’m just trying to help!

    • That’s your opinion, I don’t think that people see me as stupid.. But if you do I really don’t care. This is my blog and I’m going through something that’s difficult, and I really don’t wanna put censure on my feelings.. If you’re offended by my language, well that doesn’t really matter.. You’re allowed to have your opinion, but since it’s posted on my blog, I just wanna defend myself… I can’t and won’t put a positive spin on my problems, just so people will like me… I really need this outlet, it’s what’s keeping me sane at the moment…

  4. singlewhitefemaledating says:

    Hey… I didn’t even notice the swearing. It is a free world and this is your blog – DO WHAT YOU LIKE πŸ˜€

    I think it is a fantastic opportunity to have a higher education available to those that would like to take further study to improve their lives. That is wonderful – it should be the same everywhere.
    You are lucky to have options and choices… alot of people don’t!!! GOOD LUCK in the big bad world… (remember there are always “knockers”)

    • Thanks a lot πŸ™‚ yeah in Denmark we are rather spoiled, I’ve started to appreciate it much more now, than I did when I was a teenager… Back then you didn’t really see how lucky you were…

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