Thanks for the advice girls, I am always to hard on myself and puts an unnecessary pressure on myself. You’d think that I’d learn, but I still haven’t. This time I really wanted to make a change, I really wanted to take a real break and sit back, figuring out what I really want with my life. But not this time.
In Denmark we are very blessed and is paid by the state to study. But we only have a limited amount of payments, and since I’ve been trying several different studies I don’t have that many payments left. I have enough to finish my current education, if I finish it on time. If I get set back on year I don’t have enough left. Then I would have to work a lot, while finishing a fulltime study. I really don’t wanna put that kind of pressure on myself.
I always knew that my previous educations and fuck-ups would come back and bite me in the ass. Now they have and I’m so mad at myself for wasting so many opportunities and time. You shouldn’t have to many regrets, but I truly regret wasting those payments back then, when they now could have saved my sorry ass. What a silly teenager I’ve been.
So, I’m continuing my study. It’s horrible and I feel incredible sorry for myself, I know that I really don’t have much reason to, but well this is my blog so I’m allowed to 😉
I only have two months and four exams left of this semester, it isn’t much. I wont score good grades and I might fail, having to take the re-examination in August, but the reality is that I don’t have that much left. This fall I’m going on an internship, I’ve sent a million applications and still I’ve found none. This has been stressing me out big time, but I’ve pleaded my case and is now allowed if all else fails, to work alongside my sister. She’s very good at accounting and she could teach me a lot, so I’m almost hoping that I don’t get any other offers.
So, my life isn’t changing today after all. I’m continuing on and hopefully things will go okay. I’m sure it will. If there’s one thing I know it’s that I can survive almost anything, so why not this shit.
The bright future is fading
The future itself is disappearing
I looked at the world
But now the world is looking at me
I believed that I could fly
But came up short
I believed in myself
But came up short
I’m filled with doubts
I’m filled with disappointment
I’m filled with guilt
I’m filled with regrets
I need to put this aside
Give myself a break
I can do what I want if I want to
But, gotta remember
I don’t have to.