Longing

So, today I went to visit two of my friends. The two I know who own horses. Back when I was twelve or so, almost all of my friends owned a horse. I still believe that our parents agreed that we could buy a horse, to keep us out of trouble 😉 My entire world revolved around horses and a little bit school.

Everyday I got to school left in after our first period, to go let out the horses where my horse lived. Drove my bicycle back to school, finished school and drove back to the stable. Here I looked after my own horse and some others. It shifted a bit how many horses I looked after, since people were moving a lot. But, there was always one or two. I had fun.

Then when I’d finished at this stable, I went home to a friend of mine who lived down my street. She had her own stable and three horses. The one of them Fernando a lovely thoroughbred was my favourite. I often dreamed of buying him, he was so adorable. If I had any energy left I would take him out for a ride. He’s one of the only horses beside Lise, who never bored me.

So, I groomed, fed and mucked the boxes of these three horses. On weekends I also cleaned these people’s house. Now, sitting here thinking back I have no idea how I had time for playing badminton and tennis. These days if I need to clean my apartment and go to school I feel stressed. I miss my young self, I was pretty awesome.

Back then my life was all about horses. Then I went to high school (gymnasium in Denmark) here my dynamic switched a little. Drinking, boys and partying started taking much of my time. We had moved away from my hometown and the life I had back there. I had moved my horse to a new stable, where I only took responsibility for my own horse. My planned had always been to sell Lise at this point of my life, but I just couldn’t. Every time I just thought about I cried inconsolably. I’m so glad I didn’t. She was ment to stay with me to the bitter end, and I don’t regret a second.

The last seven years I’ve put all my focus into one horse. My Lise. It’s been eight months and twenty-two days, I still miss her every day.

I miss the world of horses. I don’t miss obsessing about whether or not your horse is sick, I don’t miss all the extra bills and I don’t miss many of the crazy people you run into. But, I miss being around horses. Being with this magnificent animal. My own. Having my own little devil that I can “ruin” my own way. I miss it like crazy.

This wasn’t a very factual post, but who cares. Right now I spend time petting my friends horses and it’s good for now, because they are all very cute. But, in a year or something I will have my own horse. I truly hope that I will. For now I’m not ready, I would look for Lise in all of the horses and that’s all wrong. I don’t want a horse to replace her, I want a horse with whom I can create beautiful memories like I did with Lise.

She was so beautiful. How could I ever replace her.

I had actually written all of this without crying. But in search of the two pictures I started looking at all of them, and big surprise – Now I’m crying. I will love and cherish this horse forever, she saved my ass and I hope that she one day will forgive my decision of having her put down. I really hope that someday I will.

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About theevilicequeen

Hi, I'm the only true IceQueen left in the world.. I have passed the exams, and now I'm in control of snow and ice all over the world... It's pretty fucking awesome....
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One Response to Longing

  1. stenfalk says:

    oh this is going to sound so cheesy… but nothing and no other horse can ever replace her…
    that does not mean that you cant find that kind of friendship with another horse again, if you find the right one, but it means that you need to accept that she is gone and that there will never be another quite like her.
    good luck hon, and let me know how you do it, if you do… 😉

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