Dreams for the Future

Yesterday I started thinking about what I truly want out of life. I asked myself; What do I want? This question turned out to be much harder than anticipated. I used to want a high maintenance career, a small farm, kids, horses, a husband and money for vacations. Well, yesterday I realised that this would never be realistic.

I don’t want to have children only to leave them at daycare ten hours a day, I don’t want that. I don’t wanna spend all my free time on maintaining a farm. I don’t want horses that I don’t have time for. I don’t want a husband I only see at night, when we sleep.

So, what can I change?

My dream of having kids? No, I want children, I really do. It’s a rather new dream, but a dream that has to come true.

My dream of a husband? Well, in my world kids and a husband go hand in hand. I know that it might sound rather old school, but I don’t think that I would survive being a single mom. I admire those women who want a child and then get one, on their own. I think that it is very brave. But, I only want children if I have a man to have them with.

My dream of horses? Well, I can’t give that up. I might have to adjust it a little to one or two horses, instead of my own stable. But I’m okay with that. The only thing I know is that I need to have a horse in my life.

My dream of a farm? Yes, this one I’m slowly adjusting myself to give up. I don’t wanna sit with a huge mortgage and be in debt the rest of my life. Then I’d rather live in a small cosy house that I can afford.

My dream of a career? Yes, I realised that I don’t want my life to be my work. I want a job that I don’t hate, that gives me free time and economical freedom. I wanna come home in the afternoon and play with my kids.

My priorities have changed and I’m glad that they have. I have made a list of some things that I hope to experience before I die. Here goes:

– Have kids

– Own a horse again

– Get married

– Celebrate silver wedding (25 years)

– Visit the United States and Canada

– Visit Vienna, Barcelona, Madrid

– Revisit: Brussels, London, Berlin, Alicante, Paris, Malaga, Rome, Florence.

– Have a three-day vacation in Disneyland Paris

– Visit the a Disneypark in USA

– See a Killer whale

– Buy my own dog

– Own a house

– Finish my current education

– Learn French, Italian or Spanish properly

– Live a happy life πŸ™‚

Many of these dreams might sound silly, especially the travel ones, but I love to travel and it’s always great to revisit places. Then you have seen all the tourist sites, and you experience the city in a whole new way the second time around. The Disneyland dreams I can’t explain, I just loved the way I felt walking around in Disneyland Paris, and I really wanna feel that way again.

It’s so great to have dreams again. Back in 2008 when my depression was at its highest, I had none. I didn’t want anything, I just wanted to disappear and never be found. Back then I wouldn’t have been able to write this post, I couldn’t even think of the future because I couldn’t handle the present.

My life isn’t as bad as I thought. I guess. πŸ™‚

 

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About theevilicequeen

Hi, I'm the only true IceQueen left in the world.. I have passed the exams, and now I'm in control of snow and ice all over the world... It's pretty fucking awesome....
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6 Responses to Dreams for the Future

  1. stenfalk says:

    I looove how far down, finish my education is on your list………… πŸ˜‰
    and that the kids come before the horse now… muahahaha…
    other than that, it you want kids, and a horse, it would be easier to have your own place. It does not need to be huge, or a real stable, all you need is a pasture and a small house for your horse and you hardly have to do anything but pet it most of the time πŸ˜‰ Much easier than retning a stall for it, having to go every day, making your man take the kids while you are away….
    Anyway, I’m glad to hear you are having dreams again and that you are finally sitting down and thinking about what YOU want in life… keep that up hon πŸ˜‰

    • Yeah well my way of prioritizing have always sucked πŸ˜‰ My education is important, but I still believe that I would be able to get by without it.. So it’s far down on my list..

      And yeah I know it’s much easier to have your horses at home and that is still a dream of mine. It could be amazing. But we’ll see what happens..
      I’m still pretty sure that I’ll own a horse, before I get a little monster that calls me mommy πŸ˜‰

  2. jen says:

    I’m sitting here giggling about the “little monster that calls me mommy”….it may be politically incorrect, but boy is it ever true! πŸ™‚ I highly suggest tackling most of your other dreams before those little monsters come along, because once they do, the money and time have a way of disappearing! I love my little monsters, but they definitely changed my hopes and dreams.

    • Hehe… Yeah that is my plan.. I can’t imagine how my life will be after I have kids, but I could imagine a chaos πŸ˜‰

      • jen says:

        Chaos is the right word! As I read over your list of dreams for the future, I found that a lot of mine are on there too (like finishing my education someday). My daughter and I are learning Spanish, and we’re taking a family trip to Disney World in a little over a week (scary for us non-travelers)!

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