No no, don’t worry this is not a review of that horrible 80’s movie starring Melanie Griffith.. No no no..
This is about my work weekend. I work at this hotel and conference facility. I have worked there for seven years, I started out as a dishwasher, then morning waitress, then receptionist, kitchen help and evening waitress. I have worked as everything out there and realised that I’m quite good at everything. I rarely work evenings, but I can’t stand those who work in the evening, almost every single one annoys the crap out of me. But I’d agreed since me working could give my mother and weekend off. Yes, my mother works there too.
I love this place, I hate many of all those small obsticles, discussions and others slacking on their duties, but I love working there. I know every corner of this place and that’s very comforting. This place has taught me a lot. Before I started working there I only cleaned houses and stables, I hated being around people. So I spend most of my time avoiding human contact as much as possible. This developed into a light sort of OCD, and I got small panic attacks if I had to something I hadn’t done before, or meet new people. At one point I couldn’t take the bus and spend weeks not seeing other than my family and at that point two of my very old friends. I was twelve years old when it was worst. It continued on for a while, but then I bought my horse, Lise.
She became my connection to the real world and I because of her, I learned talking to new people. Mostly because I begged them for advice on how to handle this silly mare. Also because I needed to get to her, I learned to take the bus alone. I hated it and for the first thirty times or so my entire body shaked the entire time. All the things we go through because of our darling horses.
I developed a lot over the next couple of years and I was starting to get a lot better. But then our little family had to move, I will not write it all again so here’s a link if you’re interested, I wrote this back in 2010 🙂
We moved to a new place and I had to start at a new school. At this point I was already suffering was a minor depression, but I didn’t know it at the time. I had a hard time making friends at first, because I still didn’t feel like being around new people.
Then I started working as a dishwasher alongside my mother. It was horrifying at first, my stomach tried to kill every time I was on my way there. But, it turned out that it gave me lots of confidence. I could do something and I could do it well. People liked me and were actually rather sweet. Of course all the relations I have there are very superficial, but it’s a good thing to learn how to small talk. And then it’s always nice learning with your mother beside you, and then we also had something to talk about. So, my work place has helped me to su-press my OCD in a way. I still have hints of it, I’m still scared of going by bus, train or plain along, but the difference today is that instead of running away, I do it. I also fear going to a party knowing only one or no one, but I guess that’s rather normal.
This weekend I worked thirteen hours yesterday, slept there and worked eight hours today. The only way I survived it was because my boyfriend was there, yeah he works there to 😉 Now, I’m lying in bed unable to move, due to my damaged knees and back. Technically I shouldn’t be working there, is causes unnecessary damage to my joints and back. My doctor hates me. But, even though I’m now doped up on meds and every inch of me is hurting, it has been a great weekend. I’m good at being a waitress and servicing people. I’ve spend years figuring out what I’m good at, and this is it. It’s just a shame that my body doesn’t agree with me…