Sorry for not having written for so long, but its like I’ve lost my love for writing. My creative vein has run empty. Right now nothing in my life seem worth writing about. I’ve lost my dream internship, I’m considering what to about my education and I’m dealing with a sick father and grandmother.
I don’t feel like writing about any of those things, because it’ll only ruin my “good” mood. I usually vanish into my weird gay stories or poetry whenever I’m sad, but I have lost the ability to get there and it sucks!
I feel lost.
I miss my horse. She was my sanctuary, my place of peace, my rock and my best friend. I miss her so much. My boyfriend has been a nice replacement, but he’s still a human. The connection between a horse and its owner can be something very different. I don’t know exactly what Lise did for me, but she clearly gave me something that I can’t seem to find now.
I can’t say that she didn’t judge me, because she did every time I had been away on vacation. Then she did her best to ignore me for two days. I can’t say that she didn’t argue with me, because we argued a lot every time we disagreed on an activity. Most often we argued about how seriously we should work with our dressage skill, Lise usually thought we shouldn’t be serious at all.
She just knew me. She saw the crying child who sat in her stall for hours, when her entire world fell apart. She saw the broken woman, who hugged her while crying all over her soft fur. She saw the pain in my eyes when I had her Ferrier take her shoes off.
She was my youth.
So I guess I found a little to write about. My beloved horse, once again. Every time I’m sad, I start out with blaming every thing around me. I always do that. But, when I then sit down and allow myself to cry, I always end up crying for Lise. Every single time.
Dear sweet girl, I still miss you every day. This past week I’ve been driving my boyfriend crazy with stories about you. You’d think that I would run out, but I guess that eleven years worth of history can’t be told that quickly.