Regrets and memories

Memories, like the corners of my mind. Misty water coloured memories, of the way we were. 

One of my favourite songs begin this way, “The way we were”. When I heard this song I used to see my childhood home and all the memories of that wonderful place. This song has always made me cry, but now more than ever. Now, when I hear this song I see Lise, my horse who was put down this summer.

Right now I’m sitting in my old room, looking at this beautiful drawing one of my friends made of her and crying. This song keeps playing in my mind, finding images from the corners of my mind and forcing me to deal with them.

“Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind. Smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were.” 

I have so many regrets, so many hours where I chose to do other things. Hours I spend being drunk or feeling sorry for myself. Hours I could have spent with her. Hours I could have spent hugging her, hours I could have spent riding her through the forest. The sun is shining in Denmark and the only thing I feel like doing is racing on Lise somewhere, anywhere.

“Memories may be beautiful and yet, what’s too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget.”

Lise, your memory might sometimes be painful. I cry almost every time I think of you. But, not because the memories are bad, simply because the memories are so beautiful and I miss you like crazy. I miss the way you made me feel and how you made me feel like I was good at something. I rarely do these days.

I will never forget you.

Why did I waste so much time

I didn’t realise how times fly

How precious every hour is

I should have spent them on saying goodbye.

You shall never be forgotten

I wont allow it

Your memory will forever be

Will welcome people at my door

Your big brown eyes

Will forever be on my mind.

Every move and every habit

I shall never forget.

I have so much knowledge

Knowledge of you

Useless knowledge

That I’ll never let go of.

You shall never be forgotten

My dear

My mind reminds me of you every single day,

and on the days it forgets to, my heart does.

This was just a little poem-like-thingy that I couldn’t shake last night.  Here the song, “The way we were” even if you don’t like Barbra Streisand please listen to it anyway, I love the lyrics.


About theevilicequeen

Hi, I'm the only true IceQueen left in the world.. I have passed the exams, and now I'm in control of snow and ice all over the world... It's pretty fucking awesome....
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3 Responses to Regrets and memories

  1. stenfalk says:

    Aw honey… I spend 15 years taking care of Poseidon, quitting everything else in favor of him, and you know what, I feel just like you do. I should have been there more, hugged him more, spend more time with him… the thing is, it’s just never enough…….no matter what you do, it’s never enough when you look back, because every waisted moment will shine on you like a beacon.
    I find that I cling to my horses now, because I don’t want to go home, I don’t ever want to feel like I wasn’t there again, and you know what… It’s just not possible, because we are not horses… we can’t be ther all the time…
    Not sure this helps… but yeah… I get it…

  2. Thanks sweety.. Yeah I know we can’t be there all the time.. Unfortunately.. 😦

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