I’m so tired.
I just wanna sleep all the time, my mind can barely function, every bone in my body hurts and I cry all the time. Sigh. By now I know all these warning signs, I’ve been there before. I’m stressed, frustrated and I just wanna lie in my bed. I simply can’t handle the world these days.
I have my second examination tomorrow and I don’t understand any of the things I’m reading. Nothing. It’s just letters forming some sort of chaos on the paper. I need to understand it, I’m just sick and tired of having to do stuff. I just wanna sleep.
I passed my examination last friday, just barely but I past. I just need to pass this one tomorrow. My problem is that I want good grades, I just don’t have the energy to pursue them. When I don’t do well I’m disappointed by myself, because I know that I can do better. I never take into account that perhabs my mind simply can’t handle more than the bare minimum. I have to pass my exams, no more. So hopefully I’ll succeed.
I have decided to take a leave of absence from my studies. I just need to finish two exams, then I’m done. At least for a while. Last friday I had a chat with my student councellor, and I can either take a break for six months or a year. Honestly I would prefere a year.
Hopefully this break will make me happy again, I really hope so. I feel like I’m not there for my friends and family, that I neglet my boyfriend and the only thing I look forward too is lying in my bed. So, at the moment life sucks and I feel awful.
I’m not quite sure what to do about money, but I guess I’m just gonna visit every store and restaurant nearby, and hope that someone will hire me. I just need to put on my happy face and play the part. That’s something I know I can do…
So, a little update. Now I’ll get back to reading about loans and mortgages… Sigh… Right now I have no idea how I ended up here. It makes no sense. It must have been my pragmatic brain who has run the show.
Then on top of it this adorable mare is now for sale. I saw her a couple of months ago and I instantly liked her. She’s for sale and cheap. But, with no money and no income well no horse.. And right now I can barely take care of myself, so I can’t see how I should be able to take care of a horse fulltime.
But, she sure is a sweetheart. Sigh.