Irene and Lise

As you might know I’m at the moment dealing with the loss of my grandmother. My dear friend has written a post about my loss and her family, this post means a lot to me. It was in a way a huge comfort for someone else to acknowledge my grief. So, thank you darling..

Here’s a link to it:

http://starstonestenfalk.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/hang-in-there/

She wrote that she doesn’t mean to be rude by comparing her beloved horse Poseidon with my grandmother, and I really don’t think it is. I have commented on this post and written that I’ve cried much more for the loss of my horse, than my grandmother. This has now made me feel guilty for some reason, it’s the truth but I feel bad by saying it.

I loved my grandmother so much and she has meant the world to me. There shall be no doubt about this, I cried my heart out at the funeral. The good thing about funerals is that everybody who has loved the person gathers to say goodbye. We are all together about sharing our grief and then afterwards sharing our memories. This is a nice thing and a funeral is tough, but it gives me some closure.

Now, I’m not so sad anymore. I knew this was coming, two years ago she was dead for a few minutes and after this everything changed. I became prepared and this past two years I’ve known that she could die any day. Luckily she lived on and had only a few weeks were she was sick. She got to leave this world dignified and peaceful, so I’m much more grateful than sad.

My horse, well I decided to end her life. She had no say in it, I took her by surprise and then she was gone. The loss of her was much harder to handle, it still is and I still cry and have nightmares about her. If you haven’t owned a pet it can be hard to understand.

I’m not sure what’s the point of this post. I guess that love is the same whether it’s for a human or an animal. It can be equally strong.

Dear grandmother, please don’t hold this against me. I have loved you so much, as a child you were my sanctuary, but when I got older Lise become my escape. I had nothing to do with your death, you went in the way you always wanted. I “killed” Lise, I will carry that forever. You had a huge family, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Lise had only me.

Now, I’m crying again. This time for both of you.

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About theevilicequeen

Hi, I'm the only true IceQueen left in the world.. I have passed the exams, and now I'm in control of snow and ice all over the world... It's pretty fucking awesome....
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One Response to Irene and Lise

  1. Starstone says:

    You’re right, there is a difference… There should be no guilt, no blame, when it comes to your grandmother, and there always will be when you chose to end the life of a horse… if there is not, you don’t really have a heart.
    And I’m sure your grandmother is not holding it against you.

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