Long time, no post. I deeply apologize for my absence, but I have spent my energy elsewhere. Now it’s time for me to catch up or at least try to.
As you might know I have started riding this mare named Alfa. She’s totally adorable and lovely, she’s a very nice horse. At times hysterical, but a nice horse who really wants to work. Her owner has due to some injuries become unable to ride her, so Alfa hasn’t been ridden for almost two years and is very very fat.
I must admit that I was rather nervous about riding her, because I had no idea about how she would react. I had done a lot of work from the ground, training horsemanship and trying to get a feeling of which kind of horse I was dealing with. I’m not a fan of just being put on a strange horse’ back without knowing them at all. So, we took our sweet time and I realised that this horse was a perfect match for my temper.
The first time I tried her, her owner was there and my friends so that they could “catch” me if I fell 😉 I’m writing “catch” because you should never try to catch someone falling from a horse. A trainer of mine once tried to catch me and her hands caused more damage to my spine that I guess the earth would have.
We rode in Alfa’s own saddle and it was laying awful on her. I’m guessing that she was about a 100 kilo lighter the last time she was wearing it. But, she didn’t act up about getting me on her back. Quite the opposite she really seemed to enjoy being the center of attention.
The second time I decided to try my own saddle, Lise’s saddle. It fitted rather nicely as nice as a saddle can fit on a horse this size, I believe. As I put the saddle on her back I felt a sting in my stomach, for ten years I had put this saddle on Lise’s back and it felt so weird to put it on somebody else.
I’m not quite sure if it’s the right word, the word for the strap you tie around the horses stomach to keep the saddle in place, google translate says girth so I’ll just use that.
As I tried to tie the girth I quickly realised that it wasn’t possible, none of the existing holes fitted. When I had bought Lise, she was very fat as well so I had made an extra hole made. That hole fitted, as I tied the girth a tear rolled down my cheek. This was Lise’s, that hole was a symbol of how far we’d come and there I was starting over, yet again.
As I tied the girth I waited for Alfa to snap at me, she didn’t. Lise had always snapped at me whenever I tried to tie the girth. Every damn time. I had her checked by my vet and a masseuse, but there was no reason for her to react this way. But, she even did the very last time I put this saddle on her back. Alfa just stood still, not arguing at all. Another tear came running down my red cheek.
Then I pulled out to the training ground. Asked her to stand in front of this box, so I could get on her back. She stood completely still. Lise never did, even after many years of practise she always started walking whenever I was about to get on her back. I had my jump perfectly balanced to fit Lise’s speed when she started walking, this is a habit that still is deeply printed in my mind.
Easily I got on Alfa’s back sitting in my saddle. Now, tears just came running like crazy. Poor Alfa she must have been rather confused about her new rider constantly crying. I sat there in my saddle. My saddle that had always felt a certain way, but now it was totally different. Every step felt different. At that moment I missed Lise more than ever. This was our saddle. The first saddle I had bought for her didn’t fit correctly, due to lack of guidance from the people I bought it from. My first saddle caused some damage to Lise’s back and we had a rather long rehabilitation.
This saddle a Wintec Isabell Werth was the one that brought us back in the game. I have spend countless hours in that saddle, jumping, riding dressage and on long rides through the forest. My body fits into this saddle, but now I was sitting on the wrong horse. Maybe not the wrong horse, but not my horse. The horse this saddle was meant for.
I know I’m sounding extremely pathetic right now and is putting way to much meaning into a saddle. But, yeah well that’s just who I am.
Now, I have been riding a couple of times and I’m slowly getting over myself. I’m actually glad that my saddle can get a second life. A second chance to cause happiness. It already has, because I really adore Alfa. She’s a nice horse to work with.
I can’t help but compare her to Lise, those two does have some similarities. They are both very girly, I love that. But, Alfa is much more mature than Lise ever became. Lise was a teenager till the very end, I loved that about her. A stubborn mare, who could drive you nuts. Most of the time I could foresee her rebellious outbreaks, but sometimes she could still surprise me.
Now, I haven’t worked enough with Alfa to know if she one day becomes more stubborn. But for now, she really wants to cooperate, she’s much more quite than Lise. In a good way 😉
No horse will ever replace Lise and I wouldn’t want anyone to do so. She will always be my first love. Hopefully I will soon stop comparing those two. Alfa deserves better than that, because she really is a dear sweet horse. But, these days I feel that the wounds from loosing Lise still is fresh. I’m not sure why since its now 346 days ago she died. But, perhabs because we’re getting closer and closer to the 28th July, the day I had her put down. For some reason I’m preparing myself for this day, like the loss will feel bigger on that day than it has for the past year.
Well, I’ll stop my whining for now. Other people around is having much greater problems than me. But, sometimes it’s tempting to dwell on your sorrows. These days I can’t stop doing so. Things are actually going okay, but still there’s so much sorrow within me. I’m struggling to find out where it’s coming from. Hopefully I will one of these days, so I can get a decent nights sleep.