Four days ago I had a very weird day, it involved my dead horse Lise.
On the day she was put down my friends adviced me to cut some of her tail as I memory. Honestly I can’t remember if I did it, if it was idea or what. Some parts of that day is still such a blur and I mostly remember my breakdowns.
My sister put the hair in our car, while I was being a shadow of myself waiting for the vet. I felt like a ghost watching my worst nightmare. After Lise was gone I spend the rest of the day being drunk and I didn’t think about the hair.
Some months later I heard that my family was selling the car we had been driving that day. Since I hadn’t picked up the hair I figured that it was still in the car somewhere. It wasn’t. I panicked big time, dreading that it was thrown away. I asked my sister and she told me that it was in her apartment.
I calmed down. It wasn’t like I needed it, I just wanted to know that it wasn’t lost.
Then this summer I started asking my sister to find the hair. She couldn’t, I could see that she panicked a bit, but she insured me that she had it somewhere. Somewhere? Great, she knew what this meant to me. Somewhere?
I frequently asked her, without any luck. I began to accept the fact that it was lost for good.
Then four days ago she gave it to me. Or no, she put it in my old room because she feared my reaction. She had searched everywhere and of course it turns out to be in the last box you look.
There I stood with the remains of my magnificent horse. All that’s left of my best friend is some bloody hair. I got so angry, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. We should have grown old together, or maybe not old just a little bit older. I was far from ready to say goodbye. But can you ever be truly ready to say goodbye to a loved one? I’m guessing no.
When I went to sleep I had one of the cruelest nightmares I’ve ever had, it wasn’t scary just cruel.
I relived all the years Lise and I had spend together. Only one thing had changed I knew better. I got a chance to correct all of my mistakes, everything was perfect. I even got a foal, a beautiful little red brown mare with her mothers spirit. I also relived the day Lise was put down, it was sad and horrible. Only one thing was different I had her foal, so something of her would live on. I smiled. Woke up and realised that all I had left was the memory and some bloody hair.