I’m feeling weird there days…
I miss my father… I’m still crying, but it’s less painful now.. Now, I simply him… Miss everything we had together…
But this post is about something else, my friends…
A dear friend wrote today that she felt bad that she hadn’t been there so much.. This surprised me, because she’s one of them who’s been there the most.. Maybe not physical, but just by writing once in a while asking how I’m doing… That means a lot.
She lost her dear horse a few weeks after my father died. And well I am feeling horrible that I haven’t been able to be there for her..
Yesterday a childhood friend visited, she’s been in Bergen since august and returned to Denmark around Christmas.. It was great to talk with her, she’s known my father all her life and been my friend as long as I can remember.. She was so sorry that she couldn’t come to the funeral, but she was stuck in Norway.. It helped talking to her…
Then there’s my other childhood friends from school.. They’ve been amazing and patient with me. They were the only reason I got through the funeral… We talked about my father for hours at our annual Christmas dinner.. And they managed to make it a happy conversation, sharing their memories and stories… It was really a quite perfect evening..
Other of my friends have also been great through this.. It just seems like some of them have no idea on how to handle the situation.. I get that it’s tough, but they should simply ask instead of acting weird..
Then there are those who’s disappointed me, friends I expected much more of.. I feel like they’ve abandoned me.. Usually they would ask me out for drinks and a party, but no more. Apparently I don’t need to party or whatever.. I need every pick me up that I can get. I really thought they would know that..
This entire post is because of their facebook status’ that says that they are out drinking.. I’m so hurt that I wasn’t invited..
This might seem like a petty post, I know. But, it hurts me that some are treating me differently.. I’m still me.. I really am.. Perhaps a bit more tortured, but I’m still me..
I could write them and ask if I could join them, but I don’t do that.. I’m kinda stubborn that way..
The one that has hurt the most is this one friend. She been in Norway since October and is home for two weeks. She used to live in my building and we saw each every day. I considered her my best friend. Now she’s home and she’s spend two hours with me. Cancelled our second date.. And now she’s out with our shared friends and she didn’t invite me.. This hurts me more than I like to admit, and is probably why I usually keep my distance.. I hate getting hurt.
So, well… Friday night on the couch with a sleeping boyfriend next to me.. Me all alone with my self pity.. Does it get any better than this? 😉