Just a short post..
It’s amazing how a good nights sleep can change you. I rarely sleep well, I’m constantly haunted by nightmares, my body aches and I’m incapable of turning of my brain once it gets started. I’m the kind that worries, all the time I just can’t think “It’ll work out” I’m much more the panicking type.
After my father’s death I haven’t been able to think of much else. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he’s gone, it just doesn’t seem fair. He wasn’t done being my father. Because he had his own business there’s loads of stuff to be dealt with. He was an architect and a rather extraordinary one, so we couldn’t just hire someone to continue the firm. He also had a window company, which my siblings and I co-own. Since neither of us are capable of running the company and those who had promise to help us has betrayed us, we are going to sell. Hopefully we wont end up with a huge debt, but nothing is sure yet.
I’ve worried a great deal about this. I always worry about money and I hate doing so, but I can’t stand not having money for rent and stuff like that. So, money keeps me awake a lot.
Now, I’ve bought two horses. I like worrying about them much more than money, my deceased father or how my mother is doing. They are adorable and well at the moment no problem at all. One of them has ringworm which we are treating, not a really big problem. The other one is fat, but we are working on it. This is good worry. The kind where I don’t wanna bang my head against the wall, to try to stop my thoughts or get rid of an image. After I’ve gotten them I haven’t thought about my father’s death as much, I think about him of course, but not those heartbreaking days that followed his death. They have haunted me these past three days, but enough about that.
Actually I wanted to write about this saturday night. I slept. I slept for eight consecutive hours, without waking up at all. This never happens. I was so thrilled when I woke up the following morning and I felt that I could handle anything in the entire world. That was an amazing feeling, people should have them more often. 🙂
But, actually all in all life is being rather kind at the moment. I really hope that it’ll continues and that all of the unresolved issues regarding my father will soon be dealt with.
Come spring, hopefully the entire world will be brighter. My optimist deep within truly wants to believe that it will.
I just found these pictures of one of my fathers buildings, it’s just so beautiful.
He was so talented and had an amazing gift.
If you want, you can see more pictures on his website. We keep it alive as a tribute to a truly brilliant man. http://www.jshl.dk/