Earlier this year I wrote about my disappointment in some of my friends. How I thought they would have been more present during me loosing my father. Now, I have realised that it’s time for me to look at myself.
I’m actually not a very good friend. I believe that I’m a good friend when I am with my friends. But, I’m just a horrible friend from afar. I am never the one to write my friends and ask if we should hang out or write and ask how life is treating them. I don’t. I should, but I just don’t. I’ve always exspected that people would contact me and arrange a “get-to-together”. For a long time it worked that way, there was always someone who wrote me during the day. Everyday. Now, things have changed.
I rarely get messages from my friends. It’s my own fault. I will still remain disappointed in those who hadn’t contacted me much when my father died. I guess that my friends would know that I didn’t have the energy to take contact. So, I have mentally deleted some friendsships. There’s just some people I don’t even want as friends anymore.
It’s not like I’ve deleted my entire friendlist in my head, it’s only two people who I no longer want in my life. Simply because it hurts to much to be ignored.
The rest of the people I call my friends I love deeply and would hate to loose. I just hope that they’ll wait for me to learn to take contact, I’m sure that it’ll be any day now. I know that some of my friends feel like they’ve lost me to my boyfriend, and I have focused most of my time on our relationship. I have never had a real boyfriend before so I have disappeared into this relationship and forgot to spend time with my friends. I will not regret having spend most of my time with my boyfriend this past two years and a half. However I will regret if I continue to ignore my friends and perhabs lose some of the people dearest to me.
This post is mostly a promiss to myself to be a better friend.
I miss sitting and drinking beer while playing silly computer games, chatting about our horses.
I miss drinking cocktails and listening to ridicoulus music.
I miss watching Disney cartoons and singing along like crazy.
I miss laying all day in bed watching “O.C” or “24” while eating popcorn and icecream.
Sitting around watching silly romantic comedies
My problem these days is that I’m so tired once I get home from work, then I have my two horses and then my family and boyfriend. Everything take time, but I will try to do better. This will be my New years resolution
My dear friends, you mean the world to me, thank you for putting up with me. You know who you are..